Shy Fish

If in an unknown company you prefer to stay in the background, and on an official meeting you hide behind the nearest column, so that not to enter into a conversation with other guests then this very article is for you. Learn to support a small talk. Ability to communicate helps both in the businesses and in the private life. The majority of the successful financial and diplomatic deals are the result of the correctly pursued negotiations. And any family problem is also solvable, if the married couple finds a common language, and both are able to develop the arguments and hear out each other in a proper way.

To master the art of communication means to make your speech sound correct and convincing, to use gestures and mimicry properly, to listen to an interlocutor and feel his reaction. It seems to be so simple. But actually many people suffer from want of the communication skills. Far not everybody possesses this ability from the very birth. But what the other can do? Certainly, to cultivate one's abilities!

Frankly, there is not a single absolutely effective (and accordingly the sure-fire) method in this business. And there is no system. As a rule, each of us has to operate at random, by intuition, showing patience and resourcefulness.

Psychologists consider that complexes are far not the main reason of shyness. Some people simply have too little experience of communication. Have you ever noticed, how you behave yourself, getting into society with many unknown people? The most hard-core modest persons in such situation usually keep silence and retreat into themselves as a snail into its shell. You should not be afraid of speaking with unknown people.

Specialists have a simple advice: you need to go out more often. Set yourself a task to talk with the unknown people every day. A cashier in the supermarket, a passerby in the street, a girl, standing next to you on a bus stop…. it is not important, how long your talk will last , the more important is that your talk took place at all!

Psychologists give such a piece of advice to all shy people: during conversation try to look  in eyes of your interlocutor (or at least on the bridge of his nose). Only this way it is possible to hide the agitation and lack of self-confidence. Looking aside or at the floor, you will give your real feelings away at best. In worst – an interlocutor will decide that you bored, and will try to retreat.

Never stand on one place during the evening party. The more so do not take a defensive stand at a buffet table! Even if you do not know anybody there, stroll along the hall. Greet other guests with a nod. And, what is the most important, do not forget about your smile.

Finally, there is another universal trick. Have a glass of juice or mineral water in your hands. Thus you will have your hands full, and you’ll be able to “wash down” a pause that just had arisen. By the way, for this reason is it better to choose the soft drinks – who knows how many pause there will be?

And how about topics for starting the conversation? Do you know where to start from? NO? Here are some hints for you.

Work. Talking to the head of any company you can inquire about the history of its creation. Ask the ordinary worker how his working day is arranged. Ask the wife of head of the company, how her husband being busy manages to pay her so much attention.

News. Ask the interlocutor, what he thinks about a much talked-of film (book, performance).

Hobbies. The simplest case is when your interlocutor has a pet, and you know some subtleties of breed. Or vice versa, he is fond of parachute sport, and you are a complete ignoramus, then ask him about the last jump.

Friends. Try to find common friends with your interlocutor. This is simpler, than it seems, and greatly inspires the further communication.

Conversation is an exchange with the cues, and not a brilliant demonstration of your own wit or eloquence. For a normal and pleasant dialog it is not necessary to be an encyclopaedist. It is necessary to speak simply, clearly, but confidently, without repeating the same phrases, get rid of expletives. Body language is a threatening weapon in the hands of the experienced interlocutor. Speech, not supported with gestures, hardly will appear to be convincing.

Never turn the conversation into a monologue, even if you are a master of the subject. Tell something interesting, and then let the company exchange the opinions, and ask you some questions. They say: the best interlocutor is a good listener.

Pay attention to the reaction of surrounding people. If you see that the subject you’ve touched upon is not interesting, or worse, it is annoying your interlocutors, just stop speaking and think on how to change the subject. If you are able to make conversation and engage the attention to yourself, you will make this without any problem.

Last but not least, sometimes intuition appear to be important for fruitful communication. A successful contact is scarcely possible, if your ‘feed-back’ function does not work; in other words, it is crucially to guess during a talk, what exactly an interlocutor is expecting from you. Success will come to that one, who will show flexibility and ability to change the behavior depending on a situation.