Excuse me, may I be your friend?

How can some people so easily set relationships, while other think it is so difficult?

A person who aims to become a good friend does not need to memorize the hundreds of different rules, cause it is important to memorize only one -the necessity of a valid, more loyal attitude toward surrounding people. And then people will turn to you. Very often people mistakenly chum up with a person, who is fashionably dressed, who is charming and has many beautiful expensive things at his/her home. But very rarely is such cases one asks oneself a tough question: "What is inside of my friend's soul?".

In the street you can often meet a young fellow, with a perfect built, very attractive, but the first impression will fade away immediately, when you hear, what this handsome guy talks about, what kind of expressions he uses.

It a common situation: there lives, for example, a man. He is not beautiful, and is not notable by anything special in his appearance. He is wearing quite ordinary clothes and is noticed by nobody. But if you start a conversation with him, then you will wonder, how vast his reading is, how many interesting things he can tell you, how actively he keeps up the conversation. From now, it is not whether his has a bright exterior, but, that you feel his internal charm, that is important. So beauty is not only what delivers pleasure to the eye. The truly beautiful man is that one, who combines an accord of the internal and external charm.

If you are such a person or you've already chosen the object for your friendship there are several rules which can help to establish the first contact and to catch the attention of your company.

Of course, the conversation you start may be far from being kept up by everybody. So what? All people are different, and good interlocutors are not so often met. But, in order to find them, it is necessary first to grasp the art of listening and talking.

First of all you need to be concentrated on your interlocutor's words, on his, but not on your ideas about the subject. It is not so easy, as it seems: everybody drives his thoughts from his own experience, thus automatically the words he hears are being measured by the templates in his head. It is difficult to be distracted not only from your own ideas on what is due and undue, correct and wrong, but also from the current bad mood, sick throat, the compulsive thoughts about the withheld salary, or about your interlocutor's three-day bristle, which you definitely hate. Just force yourself to forget about all of that and prepare to perceive the speaker's words. Later you will have time to estimate their meaning. But now the interlocutor will understand, that he is being listened to, and will «open» up to you.

Making your speech interesting to the others is another side of the science of communication. The simplest rule: whatever you're talking about, do not let your speech become monotonous. Change the timbre and volume of your voice, gesticulate, and accompany your words with mimicry.

It goes without saying, that in order to hear the interlocutor, the first thing you should do is to fall silent! However your silence doesn't have to be a cloistral hush. The speaker needs to feel, that he is interesting to you!

There are no people in the world who are not interesting in any way. You should take it as an axiom. Unfortunately, very often a contact abates having just established, because the interlocutor appeared to be uninteresting. But look, maybe you simply listened in a wrong way?

An interlocutor must see that he is not talking into the air. Eyes, looking aside, are a sign that you are carried away not with his story, but your own thoughts. It is very important not to lose visual touch during the conversation.

Having sprawled in an arm-chair, folded your arms and thrown your head back, you scarcely will make an impression of an attentive listener. Lean forward, unlink your hands, incline your head a little. You do not have to seat still, as a statue, while listening. Vice versa, the more you gesticulate in reply to the words of speaker, the more interesting his speech will be (what a pleasure to share with someone, who emotionally and vividly reacts on what you're saying). The simplest method is to nod slightly. If you are still embarrassed every time, make a list of topics which you can easily and interesting talk about, and begin conversation from these topics. The list doesn't have to contain home pets and weather - you can start the conversation even from the discussion of the passionary ethnogenesis theory or a large hadronic collider. And from them you can pass to the traffic jams and the weather.

To improve your skills of starting the conversation, you can practice on th dialogs - short and not too loaded with any sense. For example, train yourself to speak with people in the queue or sittings next to you in a streetcar. Ask the way, even if you know the district like the back of your hand. And if you do not - then ask five-ten people on your way about you're the right way. This will prevent you of being lost And you will finally learn to start a talk.

On my opinion, friendship is a privilege of good people, who are ready for self-sacrifice and self-perfection. For many people, for example, the most difficult thing is the cultivation of their abilities, the awareness of their own mistakes and blunders. Friendship - is a sort of labor, cause in fact it is the gladness, and all blessings are made by the labor.

You have to be responsive to the people, to help them to overcome their difficulties, to give a support in difficult situations.

It is necessary to remember that we live among people, and, certainly, foremost, all of us are people. And everything, whatever we do, is reflected in the society, every our action affects the surrounding people to some extend.

Try to put yourself in place of someone other. What friends would you like to have? What people would it be pleasant to deal with?

Try to be good and unselfish, not to distress people intentionally. Keep in mind that the way you treat people around you, the same way they treat you you.