A new mum or dad

Author: admin |Mon, 06/15/2009

43Not all marriages can stand the time test, even those where there are children ... And later after divorce the new person comes to already incomplete family - a new daddy (stepfather) or a new mum (stepmother). It would Seem that everything is ok, but time passes, and both the man and the woman realize that they cannot live together any more ... In such situations children suffer most of all. Here again it is very important for parents to be wise: it doesn't matter what age the child is you should tell him about the problem and not to forbid contacting with the parent who has left a family.

Unfortunately, not every woman can imagine how to be a stepmother. And after all it is rather difficult labor, in some way even more difficult than motherhood: after all a mother has her relative child, and at the stepmother - an adopted one. And all her actions in relation to the small person will be estimated by three parties: the child, his father (husband) and surrounding relatives and friends.

Quite often women, adjusting relations with the child of the husband, do a lot of mistakes. Begin to spoil the stepson, let him do everything he wants, load with presents. The child understands at once that it is possible to throw aside all restraints. And she cannot tell any word: if only she shows any severity, there and then she will get a lot of reproaches ...

It is better to show to the child that you are openhearted, but nevertheless try to show the small person that you are an interesting person, and friendship with you should be deserved.

By the way, much depends on the relation of the child to the father. If the baby has got used to manipulate the parent so the stepmother will be also manipulated.

Unfortunately, today woman independently brings up the child (sometimes even several) very often. And one fine day she meets the man with whom she would like to spend all her life and who is ready to bring up her child. How to help the child to make friends with the future stepfather?

This question disturbs many so they exaggerate possible difficulties. First of all, both mum, and her child are puzzled how to address to the stepfather. Especially if the child knows the native father and keeps in touch with him. In this case the woman should not accustom the child to name the stepfather "daddy" - in a head of the small person there is a terrible mess. If it is a daddy, means, he should be loved, as mum ... And what about "the previous daddy"? Unless there can be two daddies? If the child does not receive answers to these questions, the trust to authoritative parents can decrease. Or he will cease to understand a role of the father and in the future home life it will cause many problems. Well and if your child himself began to name the mum's husband the daddy - put yourself "excellent". You should understand that relations between the child and the stepfather need to be started long before they start to live under one roof. During this time the man and the child should get used to each other.

At first let the future daddy regularly come on a visit. But only when the child is at home and does not sleep. It is not necessary to stimulate dialogue between the small person and the man. Gradually, when the child will get used to the new acquaintance, it is possible to make joint walks. And already then start gradual resettlement when the future husband spend with a family all the day and stay overnight.

Having affirmed to be one family, it is necessary together with the future husband to tell the child about the decision. And also to develop a general parental position. Even if mum is ready to accept the man with all developed habits - she has chosen the man, instead of the child.

Children from age before three years get used to the stepfather faster, it is easy to them to adapt to the new person. Young pupils and teenagers quickly adapt for changes in a family. However, here "the new daddy" should pass original check on authoritativeness, on the child interest. The most difficult it is for families with children from three till seven years, especially if it is boys. However this problem it is possible to solve, if you have a desire and both try to do all the best.

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